even here, even now

I found this written huge in the margin of a journal entry from a few weeks ago:

IMG_8921.heic

In the main part of the page, I had been working through a tricky dynamic in my marriage—not a crisis, just one of those things that feels big and layered and hard to untangle. Like so many things, I got to the bottom of the page thinking, “I have no solution. I don’t see a way to healing. This feels too big and too deep.” But as I moved into worship and study, I came back and wrote that big note on the side. He won’t fail, even here, even now — in this, too.

A few months ago in Midway, our church’s Middle School ministry, I lead our small group of 6th graders in an exercise. The message had asked the question: Do you believe that He loves you? I’m honestly not sure if that was the main point of the message, but it’s what stuck in my brain. After we were dismissed I quickly ran to the back and grabbed a stack of notecards and pens. On one side we wrote “Even when…” and on the other side “I believe…”.

There are so many truths that we spout about God → He loves me, He forgives me, He’s always with me, He never fails, He is all-powerful, He has good plans for me. But those truths often live in a separate part of our brain from our day-to-day life. If that’s the case, they don’t do us any good, and I’d argue that we don’t actually even believe them.

So this is the practice, bringing our natural and our spiritual lives together: even here, even now, I believe _____. That is our moment-by-moment prayer - or however often the issue in the blank troubles you.

Even now when I failed again to speak gently with my children, damaging our relationships, You forgive me and have compassion towards my brokenness. You have the power to heal and restore. Lam 3:22-23

</aside>

Even today when I’m passed over at work for something I’m qualified for, I have gifts You will use for good in the world. 1 Pt 4:10–11

</aside>

Even here when I feel lonely and rejected, You see me and are close. You will provide for my emotional and relational needs. Ps 23:1

</aside>

Even now when life is drudgery and monotony, You are working mightily in me and through me, building something great. Phil 1:6

</aside>

The power of faith shows up when we start saying these things right in the middle of the mess. Even if we’re not totally sure yet—we practice. We keep bringing God into our real moments, our real struggles, by saying, “Even here, even now…” And when it feels hard to write or say or believe, that’s okay. That’s actually where faith starts to grow.

This is the rhythm of our life with Him—inviting Him in, over and over. He doesn’t push His way in, but He always comes when we make space. And when we whisper our “even here” prayers, He shows up—with peace, with strength, with wisdom, with joy.